whenasinsilks | Recent Entries

A lot of people reading Scum Villain for the first time, which: welcome! the story between you and [this fandom] has just begun :3. The following is a non-comprehensive list of some of my favourite fics:

~*Required Reading*~
"I (immortal, M) think I might be developing feelings for my roommate (27M). Help!!!" by kitschlet
| bingqiu, 1k, M
everyone should be required by law to read this fic after finishing SVSSS for the first time

Canon Divergent/Missing Scenes
"Luo Binghe's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Adolescence" by dearly_anonymous
| bingqiu, 60k, M
LBH's pov of the novel pre-abyss. Bingqiu pre-relationship, canon compliant.

"wide salt sea" by astronicht
| bingqiu, 7k, E
there's a really popular fanon that SY was chronically ill pre-transmigration (hence why he had time to sit around all day reading web novels)--this is the best treatment of that I've seen.

"high mountain, how i long" by Minimalistless
| binqiu, 14k, M
Bingqiu canon divergence, when LBH is keeping SQQ prisoner at Huan Hua Palace

"like real people do" by adspexi
| binqiu, 3.5k, E
look idk what to tell you with this. LBH..... fucks SQQ back to life. that's it. that's the fic. also he cries about it a lot, because Binghe.

"How to Meal Prep - Household Tips, Recipes, and Ideas for a Better-Organised Life!" by x_los
| binqiu, 4.5k, M
pre-abyss Binghe character study. x_los is one of only two authors who is on here twice because *gestures helplessly*

"Grasping a Kite with Broken String" by yamabuki_kana
| liushen, 10k, T
in the years after the abyss, Liu Qingge tries to help Shen Qingqiu overcome his grief. canon compliant

Post Canon
"can't get by, can't let go" by kitschlet
| OG!LBH/SY!SQQ, LBH/OG!LBH, LBH/SY!SQQ/OG!LBH, 12k, M
one of my absolute favourites. after the Bing-ge v Bing-mei face off extra, Bing-ge tries to summon nice SQQ, ends up summoning himself. so many Binghe feels wowowowow

"Dual Cultivation" by acernor
| bingliushen, two stories (series), 100k, E
basically the primer for Bingliushen. so much porn but also like. spot on characterisation.

"night of yearning" by tagteamme
| bingqiu, 40k, E
Binghe is cursed and loses all memories of Shen Qingqiu

"Git Gud" by x_los
| bingqiu, 8k, E
obviously if bingqiu want to have a good sex life, it's going to take some..... practice :3

"icing the cherry" by minhyukwithagun
| moshang, 12k, E
my favourite moshang story, perfectly hits the balance of hot and hilarious. warnings for canonically-inaccurate Good Sex

AU
"the taste of blood, the claim of love" by newamsterdam
| OG!LBH/OG!SQQ, 31k, E
this. this is. screams. I didn't even think I shipped OG!Binghe/OG!SQQ but. this. THIS.

"oh mercy, i implore" by Inqueling
| OG!LBH/SY!SQQ, 8k, E
*Janet Jackson voice* if you're nasty.... Dark.

"lost my head inside the dream" by theherocomplex
| moshang, 24k, E
Moshang porn AU. my only requirements for Moshang are that it be horny and hilarious

"We'll survive, you and I" by rinsled05
| liushen-centric bingliushen, 9k, E
Bingliushen in a zombie apocalypse

"maybe we can kill something together sometime" by p0rth0s
| Sha Hualing/Liu Mingyan, 3.5k, E
modern AU with magic. this ship slaps.

"too many partings here" by tshirt
| liu mingyan/su xiyan, 7k, E
i mean. do you need to be sold past the premise of the ship?

"Scum Villain Spring Break System" by Maru N.
| OG!LBH/SQQ, n/a, lightly NSFW
okay this one is a vid, not a fic, but it is of CRITICAL IMPORTANCE and so i am including it

cannot express how badly Word of Honor has hurt me. not even Yi City can compare. at least Yi City was a tragedy. at least it had a shape and an arc and it was something the characters did to themselves. this is just--- the narrative equivalent of someone coming into your kitchen and pressing your hand down onto a hot stove, and holding it there. raw, searing agony. baseless. violative.

ANYWAY ONE MORE EPISODE TO GO I GUESS

I wrote this character study on twitter on my priv; it's a little short for AO3, but I didn't want to leave it to languish and get swallowed by the algorithm, so I'm yeeting it up here, largely unedited.

Contains spoilers for Word of Honor up to Episode 23. Content warnings for (canonical) illness, graphic descriptions of (canonical) violence, non-graphic implications of past non-con and child abuse.

~

This is what Wen Kexing knows of hands: an invasion.

Shattering peace, piercing through the bounds of propriety to the close-guarded territory of the body. Laying claim. Violence is the tool of conquest, and conquest...

Conquest is just another name for 'ownership.'

He reaches out to peel away the false-flesh mask from the man who calls himself Zhou Xu, and laughs as his hands are slapped away. Retreats. This is called 'friendship' or perhaps 'courtship.' It is difficult to say, when he hasn't had a friend in twenty years; when he's never had a lover of his own choosing.

When he took the skin of the last Master of Ghost Valley, he did not retreat. He pushed his fingertips underneath the flayed edge of the jawline, forcing through the desperate cling of muscle to its covering, through the stink of blood and the curses still echoing in his ears, until the surface of his master's cheek bulged with the spread of Wen Kexing's fingers—the depth of their reach. The thoroughness of their claim. This is called 'justice,' or 'a reckoning long-since due,' though others, he knows, have called it 'madness.'

This is what Wen Kexing knows of hands: a coercion.

Often enough these days he can enact his will upon the world through words alone—which is to say, through the hands of others—but sometimes, even now, a demonstration is called for. He rolls a pair of walnuts lazily around his palm, then crushes them to splinters, and his subordinates flinch and grow pale. He crushes Bai Wuchang's throat with much the same ease, and his subordinates tremble and praise him for his wisdom. This is called 'power.'

He catches A-Xu's wrist, but never so tight that A-Xu might struggle to break the hold, and this—

This is called 'tenderness.'

This is what he knows of hands: an ending.

He knows—when he can remember, through the sickness and the pain of a wound reopened—his father's hands. A healer's hands. Ones which gave instead of taking. Ones which would leave a thing more whole than they had found it.

He knows his father's hands. Shaking. Useless. The tendons severed in punishment for a heart too unguarded. For a loyalty too freely given. Hands scarcely able even to hold a sword, let alone lift it.

He knows his father's hands, those kind and clever, once-famous fingers crushed to dust under the heel of a ghost king's boot. This is called 'inevitable.' This is called 'the world.'

He does not know A-Xu's hands. But he is learning. How they might push him irritably away in one moment and in the next, reach out to raise him to his feet. To lower him chastely to his bed. How they might fall upon his shoulder like an offering. Not an invasion but a homecoming.

He does not know A-Xu's hands. But he is learning. He WANTS to learn. He is running out of time.

A-Xu's chopsticks drop from spasming fingers. Roll to the table's edge and fall, one then the other, to the floor. The shock on A-Xu's face eases into a smile. "Excuse me," he says, and rises. Wen Kexing—as he always does, as he always will do, so long as he is able—follows him.

Outside, A-Xu lowers himself to the dock with the effortful clumsiness of a man several times his age. "Spare me," he snaps, when Wen Kexing surges forward to steady him. It's not pity, Wen Kexing wants to say, but he has not yet learned how to say it and be believed.

He sinks to his knees at A-Xu's side instead. A-Xu is positioned for meditation, legs crossed, hands resting palm-up on his knees. Wen Kexing raises a hand to help stabilise his qi, but once again A-Xu forestalls him.

"Lao Wen," he says. Nothing more.

Wen Kexing drops his hand. If he were A-Xu, he would not want to be touched by a thing like Wen Kexing either.

A-Xu sighs, and lifts his face to the starlight, eyes closed. His hand slips from his knee and lands, palm-up, on the dock between them. Wen Kexing looks at him sharply, searching for signs of another seizure, but the lines of A-Xu's body are easy. Peaceful. The fingers of his hand flex a little against the wood. His wrist twitches, shifts just a fraction of a cun further away from his body. Towards Wen Kexing.

Wen Kexing draws in a breath. Then, slowly, so slowly, watching A-Xu's face for the slightest sign of hesitance or discomfort, he lays his hand over A-Xu's. A-Xu's fingers curl up to hold him, loose and steady and warm. A cage without bars. A prison without a lock.

This is called—

This—

Once there was a boy, and all he knew of he knew of touch was comfort and healing, was care and love. He lived with his parents, and died with them too. How many years has it been since he was buried?

By the quiet of the lake, side by side and hand in hand, Wen Kexing sits with his zhiji, and prays to a heaven that has long since turned its face from him that there is more to the world than what he has known of it.

Current Music: "Hands," by Emily Jane White

My platonic life partner is undergoing heart surgery this week and it's incredibly stressful. So obviously I'm throwing myself into fic real hard as a distraction. What else is new.

Anyway, if anyone's interested in what's being written, here are the WIPs sorted according to priority (aka how much time and brain space they're getting and/or how much guilt I feel about working on anything else) in descending order.

Tier 1 (Top priority)

Time of the Season, Chapter 13 -- I assume if you're reading this entry you know this fic, since I think most people who follow my fic at all follow it because of this one. The next chapter is harder to write because it doesn't contain any porn (and writing porn is lowkey my number one motivator), but it should still be fun. The scenes are all already outlined--it's just a matter of sitting down to write it.

If We Were Our Bodies -- one of the MTHs. I offered 1-3k and despite my best efforts at limiting myself, this is going to be... more than that. As requested, it will be MCU torture hurt/comfort with mutual pining and a happy ending. Because it's me, the hurt will be deeply psychological and there will be tender, pine-y smut along the way. Set in the vague nebulous world of post A1: we're gonna vivisect Steve and use that trauma to delve into his bodily dysphoria, and then have Tony fuck him all better again. Or something like that.

Tier 2 (Medium priority)

[title tbd] -- the other MTH. this one should actually be a oneshot so there's no reason it should be taking as long as it is. 616 established relationship infidelity fic. Tony sleeps with Maya Hansen during the events of Execute Program. Hopeful ending.

i was the loneliest captive of your silhouette [working title] -- a present for kiyaar. need I say more? a 616 AU set during the Haunted arc, wherein Steve is secretly revived and goes to seek out Tony. featuring unrequited love, graphic dubcon, identity porn, and a distinctly unhappy ending.

Kingdom of Iron, Kingdom of Clay, Chapter 3 -- tensions ratchet up even higher--SEXUAL TENSIONS THAT IS. I know some of y'all real thirsty for this one and believe me I am too but I got some shit I gotta get written first.

Tier 3 (Lowest priority)

don't blame it on the little green men (blame it on the boogie) -- Ults "not actually sex pollen/aliens definitely didn't make them do it" fic. maybe I'll be able to finish this in time for Ults day in four months. a girl can dream.

Love, and Other Flightless Birds -- I may have panicked at the projected size of If We Were Our Bodies -- the offer was only for 1-3k after all -- and spent time planning and beginning to draft a whole nother fic before I gave up and went back to the original. An MCU 5+1, after a fashion.

No Artists Alley Lois Lane -- the lost RBB. the reason Silks should never do events. it's fucking 85% done I swear I'm gonna finish it before I die I SWEAR

Current Mood: resolute
Current Location: bed, procrastinatorily
Current Music: "Shivers (I Got Em)" by Margot & the Nucleak So and Sos

It's been an utterly exhausting week--two days of twelve hour shifts followed by two days of sixteen hour ones, the last of which saw me having an emotional breakdown in the back room (good thing my coworkers are so nice)--and now, on my day off, I sit down to work on the latest chapter update and open tumblr to find some passive aggressive asks about all the reasons some anon thinks dom Steve is wrong and sub Steve is right, and again I ask myself, why am I still even ON tumblr?

I could go into a whole rant about the absurdity of trying to limit fandom--by its nature a space for transformation--to a single interpretation of a fundamentally non-canonical concept (MCU SteveTony is NOT CANON guys--it's nowhere even close, so in talking about the 'correct' ways of writing SteveTony, we're talking a two degree separation from anything with any possible degree of authority, and again this is FANDOM GUYS SO FUCK AUTHORITY), or about how trying to argue who likes to dom or sub based on personality is only slightly less unenlightened than the whole bottom-top discourse, but other people have already done that at length and better than I could so instead I'll just say

jeez, I really hope this hasn't killed my mojo on one of the two possible writing days I have this week.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: "Wasting My Young Years," by London Grammar

It's almost March 2019, aka the perfect time to post an end-of-2018 writing retrospective meme! In my defense, I really want to. I stumbled across it on sineala and kiyaar's journals sometime mid-january/early february, and I just haven't had the time until now. ANYWAY.

Fiction posted this year

January
Lot's Wife - MCU, Steve/Tony - complete - post-CACW smutty character study focusing on Steve's trauma, isolation, and feelings towards Tony

The Time of the Season - 616, Steve/Tony - ongoing - early canon mating cycle identity porn with oodles of smut and pining

February
The Ruins of Babel - MCU, Steve/Tony - complete - sequel to the Lot's Wife; the story of three phone calls

March
Nor An Evil Tongue Bewitch - complete as of July 2018 - MCU, Steve/Tony - Steve's trauma and slow recovery, as told through the medium of smoochies

April
like history erasing itself - 616, Steve/Tony - complete as of September - make it worse remix of All Time Low

From What I've Tasted of Desire - MCU, Loki/Tony - complete - a double what if: what if Tony's self-destructive behavior never stopped when he stopped dying, and what if Loki came to him rather than Erik Selvig

Loverman - Labyrinth, Sarah/Jareth (one-sided) - unfinished - Jareth returns and pledges love eternal, a horror story

May
Kingdom of Iron, Kingdom of Clay - MCU, Steve/Tony - ongoing - third in Ruins of Babel series, Tony's POV

October
All of Your Lonely Sieges - Ults, Steve/Tony - complete - Steve and Tony get lost in the wilderness. the story of 36 hours

I feel your taste all the time we're apart - MCU, Steve/Tony - complete - Captain America visits a chocolate shop in Bruges

This year I wrote and posted:

111,147 words and that's just what I posted, jfc. And 10 stories, which is practically one story a month.

Overall Thoughts:

Looking back, it doesn't seem like this all can fit within a single year. I wrote so much, and have gone on such journeys--from a nervous newbie in MCU to someone who is friendly with all my fandom idols and confidently writes 616 deleted scenes/canon divergence fic? And honestly, I think I've improved so much as a writer just over the course of a year, it just doesn't seem possible that it WAS just a year.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?

More, wow more, so much more than I've ever ever before. What a year.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

Would never have expected to write domestic fluff (I'm looking at you, I feel your taste).

This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most:

Deeply psychological/character-heavy smut. And, uh, I guess Lot's Wife really set the tone?

What's your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest?

The one that's given me the most joy is definitely The Time of the Season.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Oh, definitely. Writing in this fandom for the first time was a risk. Writing explicit sex between dudes, as a cis-woman, was a risk. Taking on a whole multi-part series was a risk. Taking on various major tropes was a risk. Writing fluff/comedy was a risk. Writing dark fic was a risk. Writing non-linear narrative... I do try and push myself. What's the fun in standing still? I don't know if I can extract a simple lesson, except maybe that pushing myself makes me a better and more confident writer and I need to keep it up.

My best story of this year:

All of Your Lonely Sieges. I'm so fucking proud, I can't even express. Of the writing and characterization, but particularly of the structuring/pacing, since I tend to be pretty decent at the former and not so hot at the latter.

My most popular story of this year:

The Time of the Season. Such a pleasant surprise to discover that the story which was just me self-indulgently writing all my favourite tropes actually resonated the most with people.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

I kinda want to say All of Your Lonely Sieges, but I get why that one hasn't gotten more traffic -- Ults, plus very vague descriptions and refusal to use archive warnings make it a big risk. And it has a really good hits to kudos and kudos to comments ratio. So maybe like history erasing itself, although I also understand that the subject matter is not for everyone (and judging by the hits to comments/kudos ratio, I wonder if it's the sort of story that people don't want to admit to being into).

My least favorite story this year:

I feel your taste, because wow is it ever not me.

Most fun story to write:

The Time of the Season. God, I love writing porn. And the whole identity porn twistiness... I was/am so fucking pleased with myself over that, and it was such a delight to write and post and read people's reactions.

Story with the sweetest moment:

The Time of the Season. Basically every moment of Iron Man reassuring Steve ever.

Story with the single sexiest moment:

Also definitely The Time of the Season. Don't ask me which moment, though, cuz I definitely cannot pick.

Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story:

like history erasing itself. If you've read it, you don't need me to explain why.

Most overdue:

My RBB *sobs.* Or, if we're just talking about the ones I actually managed to post, Nor an Evil Tongue Bewitch was a prompt gift for chibisquirt, and even though it only ended up being around 4k total, it took me four months after posting the first half to finish and post the second.

Most eye roll-worthy title:

Oh god. All of them? Every title in The Ruins of Babel rates pretty high on the pretension scale, but I think Lot's Wife, or The Splinter Inside is probably the most egregious, since it combines classical references with song lyrics, and not just song lyrics but song lyrics which require an epigraph to explain. Past me, ffs.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

Lot's Wife is basically the story of me writing myself into a deep and abiding love for Steve Rogers. I didn't know his comics characterization very well at all, and his movie characterization never quite... clicked for me, and even irritated me in a lot of ways. So I wrote my way into his head and I don't think I've really come out since. ilu, Steve. So much.

Hardest story to write:

Kingdom of Iron. I'm still fucking struggling with it.

Biggest Disappointment:

Not only not finishing RBB, but then having large parts of RBB jossed by tumblr deciding to implode itself (there were a lot of fandom-meta tumblr jokes). I still wanna finish it, but it's gonna be a relic now.

Biggest Surprise:

All of Your Lonely Sieges, going from vague outline to fully written 13k fic in 5 days, and also turning out to be the most technically accomplished thing I wrote all year.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story:

hands down, like history erasing itself. Partly for the fact that I went public with some of my least socially-acceptable kinks, but mostly for the way it was deeply autobiographical in a way I don't think anyone realized. Not that I've ever, you know, been a prostitute, or homeless, but I was very much in a position to identify with someone having destroyed and cut ties with their old (successful) life due to mental health issues, and a lot of Tony's feelings/experiences/mindsets were... if not projected, then at least directly cribbed from my own feelings/experiences/mindsets. 2018 was... a better year than 2017, and fandom had a lot to do with that, but tbh, that's a pretty low bar. 2017 was... yeah.

Favorite opening line:

All my opening lines are pretty formulaic hooks... I guess, for lack of a better answer, "Tony's hands aren't shaking," from Kingdom of Iron.

Favorite closing line:

"He pulls Tony closer to him, buries his face in the crook of Tony’s shoulder—skin too hot, rank with sweat, alive, alive, alive—and prays that they’ll both make it through the night," from All of Your Lonely Sieges, with "He's not as strong as people think and winter has never been kind" (Lot's Wife) as a close second.

In conclusion:

2018 took me from "lurker who knew MCU and little else" to "prolific comics fangirl with lots of fandom friends," and I find it very satisfying to look back on that journey. Thanks fandom. I love you.

Fic-writing goals for the coming year:

A lot less time for writing now I've got a full time job, but I'm aiming to finish Kingdom of Iron, The Time of the Season, my long-overdue RBB, two MTHs, and the Ults not-really-sex-pollen fic I've had half-completed for ages. Clap your hands if you believe in me, guys--I'mma need all the help I can get.

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: jungle boogie, by kool and the gang

In the Morning, I'll Be New

Author:

whenasinsilks
Fandom: Marvel 616, Avengers (Comics)
Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Rating: Explicit
Wordcount: 5056
Status: One-shot, complete
Additional Tags: Light Dom/sub, Dom Steve, Sub Tony, Steve POV, Friends With Benefits, Established Relationship, Pining, Smut, Begging, Insecurity, Secrets, Steve could be bounded in a nutshell and count himself a king of infinite space, were it not that he has bad dreams, Hickmanvengers, pre-A29, Missing Scene, Canon Compliant, Plot with Porn, Angst
Summary:

“Please?” Tony’s voice is low and hoarse. It drags against Steve like the head of a match; a single puff of oxygen could turn that friction into flame.

This is what it’s like, being with Tony. So many years spent wondering and here is the answer.

It’s like being one breath away from burning.

[A missing scene from Hickmanvengers.]

One WIP down, six more to go! Thanks eternally to

sineala and

wynnesome for the beta, and also to

kiyaar for the comment which inspired this whole thing.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Location: home
Current Music: R U Mine, by Arctic Monkeys

Apparently this is a thing? Exciting!!

What I Just Finished Reading

The Quantum Astronomer's Handbook, by Michael Brooks.
A post-modern biography of polymath (and quintessential Renaissance rogue) Girolamo Cardano, which also serves as a layperson's introduction to quantum mechanics. Very weird and kind of delightful. Of course, I'm saying this as someone with a degree in Renaissance intellectual history whose RL friendgroup disproportionately favours physicists, so I'm pretty sure I'm the precise target audience for this book. But even beyond the subject matter, this book was something special. I like books with a strong authorial voice, and you can't get much stronger than in this book, where the author not only openly cops to his obsession with his subject, but suggests that he and his subject are somehow quantum entangled and takes up at least a quarter of the book with a series of imaginary conversations he has with Cardano in an Inquisition cell.

So, part biography, part physics textbook, part intellectual history self-insert fanfiction. What's not to love?

One pet peeve: Brooks refers to Cardano as "Jerome," in that weird British academic tradition of anglicizing the names of historically interesting foreigners (come at me, anyone who has ever referred to Michelangelo as "Michael Angel"). It's outdated and vaguely xenophobic and drove me a little insane the whole time.

What I'm Currently Reading

The Pigeon, by Patrick Suskind.
A weird novella about a middle aged man whose life is derailed by a pigeon. I bought it because I loved Perfume back when I first read it (high school?) and because it was short and why the hell not. Unfortunately, it seems to fall under the general umbrella of "20th century books about white European men having weird, surreal, and vaguely philosophical midlife crises." Which I pretty much knew when I picked it up, but occasionally those books are compelling? This one is not. But it's also short so I might as well finish it.

The Chronology of Water, by Lidia Yuknavich.
Visceral, no-holds-barred, a-linear memoir in which the author takes us through her life--her abusive childhood, her history of addiction, her series of love affairs (with men and women in, wow, steamy-hot detail), the stillbirth of her child, her failures and her triumphs, all told through the central lens of her past as a competitive swimmer and lifelong love of water. Not that that summary really comes anywhere near to doing it justice. Beautiful in a way that is difficult to put into words. I'm dragging this one out. I don't want to be done with it. I don't know what'll I do when it's gone.

What I'm Reading Next

probably Foundryside, by Robert Jackson Bennett. Although his Cities trilogy was so freakin good, this is gonna have some work to do to live up.

and maybe I'll finally finish The Mermaid, by Imogen Hermes Gower. I was actually quite enjoying that one, I just made the mistake of getting it as an audiobook, which I just don't listen to that often these days.

I'll need a new non-fiction, though, if anyone has recommendations. I've been on a big memoir kick, but anything is welcome, as long as it is beautiful and strange. Recs of poetry collections also accepted. I am an uncomplicated woman with uncomplicated desires: I simply want to hold another person's shivering, ink-stained soul in my hands. For a few train journeys and rainy afternoons at least. Help a lady out?

Current Mood: mellow

I promised writing updates way back when tumblr was still a thing (how young we all were then!), and I've been rather behind, but it feels good to have it all out in the open, so, without further ado (and please note all stories are Steve/Tony):

WIPs - Posted

The Time of the Season - 616, early canon - Steve has a mating cycle and his mating cycle has a debilitating fixation on Tony Stark. Good thing Steve's bff Iron Man is there to lend a hand. That's not gonna come back to bite anyone in the ass later.

Pretty much everyone's favorite, but sadly, waiting upon the completion of at least one of the MTHs. Although I'm lowkey planning on using up my 2019 vacation days with a week-long paid fanfic-writing-staycation in March, so maybe I can blast out another chapter then? We'll see.

Kingdom of Iron, Kingdom of Clay - MCU, post CACW - part of an ongoing series of Steve and Tony working out their issues through squabbling and sexual fantasies

Did a bunch of work leading up to the holidays but then just started feeling really down about it and had to take a step back. I need a decisive win with one of the other stories before I can get going again, I think.

WIPs - Unposted

[Update: finished and posted as of 19/2/019!] In the Morning, I'll Be New - 616, Hickmanvengers (pre A29) - a smutty character study/deleted scene, what a Hickmanvengers-era FWB relationship might look like from Steve's perspective

Almost entirely drafted, but with a few character consistency/structural things that need to be ironed out. I either need mental space or a second pair of eyes. Are other writers this fuckin needy when it comes to beta work? I swear I didn't used to be.

Don't Blame it on the Little Green Men (Blame it on the Boogie) - Ults, post Ults 2 - Steve + Tony + alien sex pollen. Probably sex pollen. I mean, obviously Steve would never feel like this otherwise and there was maybe a weird floral scent and did we mention the aliens??? so really there's only one possible explanation. right? right. glad we've cleared that up. aka "aliens definitely didn't make them do it and are frankly kind of skeeved out"

I actually love this story and definitely want to finish it, but MTH and TotS have to come first. We're looking about 40-50% done?

No Artist's Alley Lois Lane - 616ish AU - Tony dresses as Iron Man to chase down a lead at SDCC and meets art student and BNF Steve Rogers, who mistakes him for a fellow comics fan and takes him under his wing. Pining, identity porn hijinks, and gratuitous fandom meta ensues.

My RBB for 2018. This is about 85% done, but I kept losing faith in my ability to write anything that is neither porn nor angst. Also, a far more pressing issue is that there are a lot of tumblr-related jokes that are now obsolete, so idk if an audience for this still even exists. Would still like to finish it though... (<3 Wren)

MTH - If We Were Our Bodies - for FestiveFerret - MCU, nebulous post A1 timeline - post-torture h/c and pining with maybe some consolatory smut

Mostly outlined with a few partially written scenes, but my computer unrecoverably ate about 3k a week or so back and I've had to take a step back for my sanity's sake.

MTH - [untitled] - for msermesth - Execute Program era - infidelity, angst with a hopeful ending

Few words as yet committed to paper, but this fic is the song playing on loop at the back of my head, the background radiation of my life. I think about it while washing dishes, taking a walk, before I go to sleep at night. A slow but natural developing. Gestation, innit.

TBIPs - Faint inklings in the author's eye

[untitled] - 616, D.O.S/post-CW era - kindasorta prostitution fic involving unexpectedly revived Steve and profoundly grief-addled Tony; unspeakable angst ensues

[untitled] - 616, post-Stark Disassembled - a newly revived Steve is called in to decide whether or not to revive post-mindwipe Tony; also extremely angsty

Jericho[?] - MCU, sequel to Kingdom of Iron (probably a plot-heavy, multichap monster and something I need to knock a hell of a lot off this list to even think about writing)

This Will Be Our Year - 616, sequel to Time of the Season, a brief portrait of Steve and Tony's sexlife after the events of TotS

Current Mood: vaguely overwhelmed

2019 has not been a great fandom year for me so far--mostly-to-entirely to do with the new job and how it's been eating my entire life and energy but I miss fandom and this seems to be a large part of where it lives these days, so here I am.

I'm a little nervous about dreamwidth, mostly because I don't know the social protocols for this kind of long-form blogging platform, like, what constitutes over-sharing vs undersharing and when it is/isn't appropriate to comment on or react to someone else's post and in what ways, etc. But I'll try and give it a go. It'll be worth it to stay in touch with you lovely people. Also I do need a platform for writing updates, so....