whenasinsilks

My platonic life partner is undergoing heart surgery this week and it's incredibly stressful. So obviously I'm throwing myself into fic real hard as a distraction. What else is new.

Anyway, if anyone's interested in what's being written, here are the WIPs sorted according to priority (aka how much time and brain space they're getting and/or how much guilt I feel about working on anything else) in descending order.

Tier 1 (Top priority)

Time of the Season, Chapter 13 -- I assume if you're reading this entry you know this fic, since I think most people who follow my fic at all follow it because of this one. The next chapter is harder to write because it doesn't contain any porn (and writing porn is lowkey my number one motivator), but it should still be fun. The scenes are all already outlined--it's just a matter of sitting down to write it.

If We Were Our Bodies -- one of the MTHs. I offered 1-3k and despite my best efforts at limiting myself, this is going to be... more than that. As  requested, it will be MCU torture hurt/comfort with mutual pining and a happy ending. Because it's me, the hurt will be deeply psychological and there will be tender, pine-y smut along the way. Set in the vague nebulous world of post A1: we're gonna vivisect Steve and use that trauma to delve into his bodily dysphoria, and then have Tony fuck him all better again. Or something like that.

Tier 2 (Medium priority) 

[title tbd] -- the other MTH. this one should actually be a oneshot so there's no reason it should be taking as long as it is. 616 established relationship infidelity fic. Tony sleeps with Maya Hansen during the events of Execute Program. Hopeful ending.

i was the loneliest captive of your silhouette [working title] -- a present for kiyaar. need I say more? a 616 AU set during the Haunted arc, wherein Steve is secretly revived and goes to seek out Tony. featuring unrequited love, graphic dubcon, identity porn, and a distinctly unhappy ending.

Kingdom of Iron, Kingdom of Clay, Chapter 3 -- tensions ratchet up even higher--SEXUAL TENSIONS THAT IS. I know some of y'all real thirsty for this one and believe me I am too but I got some shit I gotta get written first.

Tier 3 (Lowest priority)

don't blame it on the little green men (blame it on the boogie) -- Ults "not actually sex pollen/aliens definitely didn't make them do it" fic. maybe I'll be able to finish this in time for Ults day in four months. a girl can dream.

Love, and Other Flightless Birds -- I may have panicked at the projected size of If We Were Our Bodies -- the offer was only for 1-3k after all -- and spent time planning and beginning to draft a whole nother fic before I gave up and went back to the original. An MCU 5+1, after a fashion. 

No Artists Alley Lois Lane -- the lost RBB. the reason Silks should never do events. it's fucking 85% done I swear I'm gonna finish it before I die I SWEAR

It's almost March 2019, aka the perfect time to post an end-of-2018 writing retrospective meme! In my defense, I really want to. I stumbled across it on sineala and kiyaar's journals sometime mid-january/early february, and I just haven't had the time until now. ANYWAY.

Fiction posted this year

January
Lot's Wife - MCU, Steve/Tony - complete - post-CACW smutty character study focusing on Steve's trauma, isolation, and feelings towards Tony

The Time of the Season - 616, Steve/Tony - ongoing - early canon mating cycle identity porn with oodles of smut and pining

February
The Ruins of Babel - MCU, Steve/Tony - complete - sequel to the Lot's Wife; the story of three phone calls

March
Nor An Evil Tongue Bewitch - complete as of July 2018 - MCU, Steve/Tony - Steve's trauma and slow recovery, as told through the medium of smoochies

April
like history erasing itself - 616, Steve/Tony - complete as of September - make it worse remix of All Time Low

From What I've Tasted of Desire - MCU, Loki/Tony - complete - a double what if: what if Tony's self-destructive behavior never stopped when he stopped dying, and what if Loki came to him rather than Erik Selvig

Loverman - Labyrinth, Sarah/Jareth (one-sided) - unfinished - Jareth returns and pledges love eternal, a horror story

May
Kingdom of Iron, Kingdom of Clay - MCU, Steve/Tony - ongoing - third in Ruins of Babel series, Tony's POV

October
All of Your Lonely Sieges - Ults, Steve/Tony - complete - Steve and Tony get lost in the wilderness. the story of 36 hours

I feel your taste all the time we're apart - MCU, Steve/Tony - complete - Captain America visits a chocolate shop in Bruges

This year I wrote and posted:

111,147 words and that's just what I posted, jfc. And 10 stories, which is practically one story a month.

Overall Thoughts:

Looking back, it doesn't seem like this all can fit within a single year. I wrote so much, and have gone on such journeys--from a nervous newbie in MCU to someone who is friendly with all my fandom idols and confidently writes 616 deleted scenes/canon divergence fic? And honestly, I think I've improved so much as a writer just over the course of a year, it just doesn't seem possible that it WAS just a year.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?

More, wow more, so much more than I've ever ever before. What a year.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

Would never have expected to write domestic fluff (I'm looking at you, I feel your taste).

This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most:

Deeply psychological/character-heavy smut. And, uh, I guess Lot's Wife really set the tone?

What's your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest?

The one that's given me the most joy is definitely The Time of the Season.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Oh, definitely. Writing in this fandom for the first time was a risk. Writing explicit sex between dudes, as a cis-woman, was a risk. Taking on a whole multi-part series was a risk. Taking on various major tropes was a risk. Writing fluff/comedy was a risk. Writing dark fic was a risk. Writing non-linear narrative... I do try and push myself. What's the fun in standing still? I don't know if I can extract a simple lesson, except maybe that pushing myself makes me a better and more confident writer and I need to keep it up.

My best story of this year:

All of Your Lonely Sieges. I'm so fucking proud, I can't even express. Of the writing and characterization, but particularly of the structuring/pacing, since I tend to be pretty decent at the former and not so hot at the latter.

My most popular story of this year:

The Time of the Season. Such a pleasant surprise to discover that the story which was just me self-indulgently writing all my favourite tropes actually resonated the most with people.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

I kinda want to say All of Your Lonely Sieges, but I get why that one hasn't gotten more traffic -- Ults, plus very vague descriptions and refusal to use archive warnings make it a big risk. And it has a really good hits to kudos and kudos to comments ratio. So maybe like history erasing itself, although I also understand that the subject matter is not for everyone (and judging by the hits to comments/kudos ratio, I wonder if it's the sort of story that people don't want to admit to being into).

My least favorite story this year:

I feel your taste, because wow is it ever not me.

Most fun story to write:

The Time of the Season. God, I love writing porn. And the whole identity porn twistiness... I was/am so fucking pleased with myself over that, and it was such a delight to write and post and read people's reactions.

Story with the sweetest moment:

The Time of the Season. Basically every moment of Iron Man reassuring Steve ever.

Story with the single sexiest moment:

Also definitely The Time of the Season. Don't ask me which moment, though, cuz I definitely cannot pick.

Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story:

like history erasing itself. If you've read it, you don't need me to explain why.

Most overdue:

My RBB *sobs.* Or, if we're just talking about the ones I actually managed to post, Nor an Evil Tongue Bewitch was a prompt gift for chibisquirt, and even though it only ended up being around 4k total, it took me four months after posting the first half to finish and post the second.

Most eye roll-worthy title:

Oh god. All of them? Every title in The Ruins of Babel rates pretty high on the pretension scale, but I think Lot's Wife, or The Splinter Inside is probably the most egregious, since it combines classical references with song lyrics, and not just song lyrics but song lyrics which require an epigraph to explain. Past me, ffs.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

Lot's Wife is basically the story of me writing myself into a deep and abiding love for Steve Rogers. I didn't know his comics characterization very well at all, and his movie characterization never quite... clicked for me, and even irritated me in a lot of ways. So I wrote my way into his head and I don't think I've really come out since. ilu, Steve. So much.

Hardest story to write:

Kingdom of Iron. I'm still fucking struggling with it.

Biggest Disappointment:

Not only not finishing RBB, but then having large parts of RBB jossed by tumblr deciding to implode itself (there were a lot of fandom-meta tumblr jokes). I still wanna finish it, but it's gonna be a relic now.

Biggest Surprise:

All of Your Lonely Sieges, going from vague outline to fully written 13k fic in 5 days, and also turning out to be the most technically accomplished thing I wrote all year.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story:

hands down, like history erasing itself. Partly for the fact that I went public with some of my least socially-acceptable kinks, but mostly for the way it was deeply autobiographical in a way I don't think anyone realized. Not that I've ever, you know, been a prostitute, or homeless, but I was very much in a position to identify with someone having destroyed and cut ties with their old (successful) life due to mental health issues, and a lot of Tony's feelings/experiences/mindsets were... if not projected, then at least directly cribbed from my own feelings/experiences/mindsets. 2018 was... a better year than 2017, and fandom had a lot to do with that, but tbh, that's a pretty low bar. 2017 was... yeah.

Favorite opening line:

All my opening lines are pretty formulaic hooks... I guess, for lack of a better answer, "Tony's hands aren't shaking," from Kingdom of Iron.

Favorite closing line:

"He pulls Tony closer to him, buries his face in the crook of Tony’s shoulder—skin too hot, rank with sweat, alive, alive, alive—and prays that they’ll both make it through the night," from All of Your Lonely Sieges, with "He's not as strong as people think and winter has never been kind" (Lot's Wife) as a close second.

In conclusion:

2018 took me from "lurker who knew MCU and little else" to "prolific comics fangirl with lots of fandom friends," and I find it very satisfying to look back on that journey. Thanks fandom. I love you.

Fic-writing goals for the coming year:

A lot less time for writing now I've got a full time job, but I'm aiming to finish Kingdom of Iron, The Time of the Season, my long-overdue RBB, two MTHs, and the Ults not-really-sex-pollen fic I've had half-completed for ages. Clap your hands if you believe in me, guys--I'mma need all the help I can get.

I promised writing updates way back when tumblr was still a thing (how young we all were then!), and I've been rather behind, but it feels good to have it all out in the open, so, without further ado (and please note all stories are Steve/Tony):

WIPs - Posted

The Time of the Season - 616, early canon - Steve has a mating cycle and his mating cycle has a debilitating fixation on Tony Stark. Good thing Steve's bff Iron Man is there to lend a hand. That's not gonna come back to bite anyone in the ass later.

Pretty much everyone's favorite, but sadly, waiting upon the completion of at least one of the MTHs. Although I'm lowkey planning on using up my 2019 vacation days with a week-long paid fanfic-writing-staycation in March, so maybe I can blast out another chapter then? We'll see.

Kingdom of Iron, Kingdom of Clay - MCU, post CACW - part of an ongoing series of Steve and Tony working out their issues through squabbling and sexual fantasies

Did a bunch of work leading up to the holidays but then just started feeling really down about it and had to take a step back. I need a decisive win with one of the other stories before I can get going again, I think.

WIPs - Unposted

[Update: finished and posted as of 19/2/019!] In the Morning, I'll Be New - 616, Hickmanvengers (pre A29) - a smutty character study/deleted scene, what a Hickmanvengers-era FWB relationship might look like from Steve's perspective

Almost entirely drafted, but with a few character consistency/structural things that need to be ironed out. I either need mental space or a second pair of eyes. Are other writers this fuckin needy when it comes to beta work? I swear I didn't used to be.

Don't Blame it on the Little Green Men (Blame it on the Boogie) - Ults, post Ults 2 - Steve + Tony + alien sex pollen. Probably sex pollen. I mean, obviously Steve would never feel like this otherwise and there was maybe a weird floral scent and did we mention the aliens??? so really there's only one possible explanation. right? right. glad we've cleared that up. aka "aliens definitely didn't make them do it and are frankly kind of skeeved out"

I actually love this story and definitely want to finish it, but MTH and TotS have to come first. We're looking about 40-50% done?

No Artist's Alley Lois Lane - 616ish AU - Tony dresses as Iron Man to chase down a lead at SDCC and meets art student and BNF Steve Rogers, who mistakes him for a fellow comics fan and takes him under his wing. Pining, identity porn hijinks, and gratuitous fandom meta ensues.

My RBB for 2018. This is about 85% done, but I kept losing faith in my ability to write anything that is neither porn nor angst. Also, a far more pressing issue is that there are a lot of tumblr-related jokes that are now obsolete, so idk if an audience for this still even exists. Would still like to finish it though... (<3 Wren)

MTH - If We Were Our Bodies - for FestiveFerret - MCU, nebulous post A1 timeline - post-torture h/c and pining with maybe some consolatory smut

Mostly outlined with a few partially written scenes, but my computer unrecoverably ate about 3k a week or so back and I've had to take a step back for my sanity's sake.

MTH - [untitled] - for msermesth - Execute Program era - infidelity, angst with a hopeful ending

Few words as yet committed to paper, but this fic is the song playing on loop at the back of my head, the background radiation of my life. I think about it while washing dishes, taking a walk, before I go to sleep at night. A slow but natural developing. Gestation, innit.

TBIPs - Faint inklings in the author's eye

[untitled] - 616, D.O.S/post-CW era - kindasorta prostitution fic involving unexpectedly revived Steve and profoundly grief-addled Tony; unspeakable angst ensues

[untitled] - 616, post-Stark Disassembled - a newly revived Steve is called in to decide whether or not to revive post-mindwipe Tony; also extremely angsty

Jericho[?] - MCU, sequel to Kingdom of Iron (probably a plot-heavy, multichap monster and something I need to knock a hell of a lot off this list to even think about writing)

This Will Be Our Year - 616, sequel to Time of the Season, a brief portrait of Steve and Tony's sexlife after the events of TotS